New blog for 2008. Subscibe to me. Lots of pictures and close to daily posts. I have a life ok. Do drop me a line if i know u personally and you want me to link you to my page.
Gimme so love ppl 
Signing out for the last time on Friendster blog
-Bri aka Miss.Sweetnessless-
Simple. I eat anything i want, at whatever time it suits me. Bad habit, i know but i’ve been praciticing it rampantly this year due to my upsy daisy schedule. I guess i still can model due to what i call "The B&B Syndrom" ala Boob&Butt. Thats where i gain the quickest and lose the quickest too. My waist has been at a 24 for years and i remain as tummy free as ever. Some people say its a good thing and health wise it is. Fat around the midsection is the fat that leads up to cardiovascular complications whereas lower body fat is harmless, if not overly depressing.
People hear a lot of things about models and eating disorders which i can say i have witnessed more often than naught. Do i feel pressured to lose weight? Of course i do, but i’ve always said and i will always believe, i am a person before i am a model and i love my curves, regardless of the comments of those who find me much too ‘fat’ for the industry. My men love it too. I enjoy good food and i wish to be Healthy in contrast to Skinny. I lose weight fairly easily just by altering minor things in my diet i.e chocolate and late night nibbles. And thats a healthy way i assume.
So, im going on a Moderation Meal Plan which involves cutting out non complex carbs and simple sugars. Want to jump start my all week home slump which started when i got too Antrophobic to see people and go out. It happens. Meds only do so much. Charles is a god-send, he’s the beat anti depressant ive ever had 
However i want to do my fair share and control what i can and that is excercise to regulate mood swings, endorphins we love, and by eating right which does effect how your body feels. Who needs to be jacked up on sugar only to crash into the Nobel Prize for Bitchy Of the Year?
So, after this last cuppa calorie free coffee on my left i’m opting for tea and fruit infusions i adore. Going back to my one hour cardio 5 times a week. Gotta polish my trademark legs for new year! ;P
Happy holiday season everyone! Eat be merry but moderate and truly you can’t go wrong.
-Bri-
Wakeful slumber. A constant state for me when my once-reality and my ever waking subconcious merge into one, becoming a complete whole of yet more spaces to fill.
What happened to dreams i used to wake from elated? Dreams that hurt me to the point of breathlessness, choking even. People like to say its ’spirits sitting on your chest’ etc when its merely ‘hag syndrome’, a state of physical unconciousness i.e sleep when your mind is still ‘awake’ thus causing the immobility. It used to plague me for weeks at a time, making me fear to drift off into even the scantiest of sleep.
However, its different now. Sleep is, for the lack of a better word, wonderful. Wonderful and constant. So good you forget you wake up and its like your living the dream. A dream that becomes your reality, unquestioned. The spaces fill
themselves, fitting whatever shards left into perfect wholes of imperfection personified. The mornings where you whisper to your sleeping lover ‘..quite perfect’ and everything else u fail to express just mellow in the shine of the morn promising to quench any possible want for the rest of the day.
Then it happened. Upon waking one cold noon with the sun carving shadows on my skin, i realise that this isn’t. Simply is not possible. Possibilities like this don’t exist to or for me. That much i know, i have learned, i do not question so humour me. This life i have, this wakefulnes i have somehow stumbled upon, reeks impermanence and bleeds a happiness i can bask in yet cannot quite grasp. This moment of touch is but a dream. Sensorial suspension as i call it.
So now i’m living in a mock dream. Knowing i’m going to awaken is half the heartbreak but the final blow lies in the anticipation of it. Waiting for something, that hits me hard i wake up so fast its as if i have slipped off an unsuspecting cliff. It takes just A moment. One. Then the spiral begins. Waking to the emptiness i know only to well and have by luck accidentally misplaced.Waking to a lover i love no more. Waking to the painful truths i have so far in this lifetime uncovered knowing too well theres only more to come. Waking to myself, my reflection i don’t know if i recognize as the girl who used to smile because she was indeed happy. Waking against my will.
So upon shedding the slumber i an nestled in now lies shedding the hope. Abandoning the place i once knew as paradise, crawling out of another dark hole and leaving another heart behind.
I dread the moment that awaits. I see it lurking in every shadow of laughter and drowning every dreamy afternoon.
So lets just sleep. Sleep in this happiness, this unknown comfort, this quite-perfect perfection.
I dont want to wake up…
Sounds more romantic than it is but maybe I’ve just been spoilt for romance my whole life or plain blue from my first rainy day in France. Went to the Champs Elysses again to pick up an LV bag for mommikins. Drizzled the WHOLE day. Lucky i bought that red umbrella from the Moulin Rouge store (The exchange rate is 4.8 to a RM, so don’t ask me how much i’ve spent so far. Gosh!) Anyhow, i always wanted a red umbrella. I believe all umbrella’s should be red or yellow. Really lights up a gloomy day, no?
Seems so quick but i’ve been here 2 weeks already. Holiday from my Beeboo, The ever perasan Charles I guess I’m really fortunate that my first trip to Europe was not one as a tourist since my bf/annointed tour guide is local and we are staying at his parents at Maison Alfort (15 min from Paris) in a gorgeous loft-like house and not a starchy hotel (Don’t mind me, i think all hotels are ’starchy’ and full of ‘people fluff’ aka dead skin cells and stuff. Eww). Coming home in a few days.
So far, it’s been pretty..wonderful. Spent our half year anniversary sleeping under the shadow of
the Eiffel at Champs De Mars and had dinner in the oldest cafe in Paris, Procop. Ate oysters on the chapel banisters at Montmarte with the view of the entire city, checked out antique flea markets, Notre Dame, The Grand Palace, visited art galleries, the Picasso Exhibition, The Lourve/Da Vinci Museum, the apparently most known/beautiful street in the world, the Champs Elysses and generally just basking in the amazing artistry everywhere. Charles mom works for Disney so we went to Disneyland Paris twice for free The perks! Hehe. His parents even drove me down to Normandie to a harbour town, Honfluer and then we went to a beach in Trousville. It’s pretty cold but we whaled on sun swings and slept on the beach.
Been eating home cooked french food and overall i can say its been a real lifestyle trip for me. Living like a french not just IN France Lots of bread, cheeses and salads with the promise of dessert after. Love the variety of salads and even trying some of the cheeses. They have very strong smelling cheeses ok, no joke. No Cheesedale in little packets here. Everything comes in huge lumps and its in every meal. WINE! Hehe, every meal too. Had champagne a few times so i’m not missing my late nighs at Velvet in Kl wiping through bottles of my beloved Moet.
Simply said i’m loving it. My Beeboo’s been great We’ve mowed through countless episodes of South Park together nightly since going out is impossible for me at night (It’s COLD!) and i’ve done a shoot with a french photog and maybe another one in two days.
Bisous (Kisses) from Paris
-Bri-
I never knew i had a choice. Not in this. Somewhere deep in my mind, i started out knowing This was neccesary. Isn’t This a neccesity?
Today, he gave me a choice. Not two choices so he gave me another option, really. He said he hopes i choose what i did not know was a choice to begin with. My minds doing overtime so i guess the rest of me’s accomodating.
I don’t remember exactly what i’m upset about but i’m indefinitely upset. Everything. What IS everything? Why is it always every-fckin-thing!
Auto-run’s began. I’m feeling less & less & less. The pain of wanting to know disappates as I suddenly find myself quite simply not wanting to know anymore. Lovely thing this self-defence machanism of mine. Wonder where it will take me this time.
P.S - It’s not "happynessfree". And if this is not letting it fade, i don’t know what is.
Fading.
-Sweetnessless-
They say when facing a problem more heads put together is better than one. Then again, too many cooks spoil a broth, no? When i tell her that she’s either busy too putting words in my head to listen, sleeping, being oddly disconnected, talking too fast, thinking too much, crying, screaming, trying to recall small dimunitive details, conspiring a scheme to distant me,from everyday things and people talking about strangers around me, creating a malady in hopes it manifests as a plague, scaring me..really scaaring me.
Recently got my hair permed for a Loreal shoot that’s going to be in Female magazine & Nu You. If you are amongst d ppl who suggest/berate/tactlessly impose me to smile or be sweet in pictures for whatever ungodly assumption i either am happy or sweet ( Madness? I know!!) , u should check it out. It’s aimed for a younger market to spread d curl trend so i had to bare my fangs pearlies Should be out next month-ish if i’m not misinformed. Now, i’m left to deal with high maintanence hair i i’m in no position to manage. If u know me then u KNOW! My idea of haircare is conditioner once every 2 days -___- Now i’ve an army of sponsored products i need but 
know nothing about . Oh well, i’ve always wanted big hair since i was born with bobbypin locks. Guess u do get what u wish for. Somehow rather Here’s Christina & i after the shoot. Cheers!
And i don’t mean it in a morbid way nor an Austin-Power-Sleep-with-Japanese-Twins-Way. Just a mental note i guess.
Was sitting in starbucks @ Times Square on a workday morning after a late night shoot, getting caffienated for a day of shopping after baby dropped me off on his way to work. Watched in fast-forward monotone, productive citizens with actual jobs stream by. I simply realised that That’s going to be me in no time. I will become that Fast forward monotone. From 19 to 27 in a blink of an eye & wonder where it all went.
Feeling awfully transient, i wrote down on a tissue paper things that i just have to do before my life passes me by. Things that if i did & were to die the very next day, would do so most compliantly.
It sounds awfully random & quite unlike what everyone would imagine yet it came to me as almost second nature. Things which i’ve put off, never got around to do or always wanted or pondered. Left out all the silly,impossible,improbable,unrealistic things. Just the simple stuff i’ve hoped for. If fulfilling that is not what life’s about then what is life about? That’s still the million dollar question. Hope it gets you thinking though. Of what U want to do in your lifetime. Hope you fulfil yours as i will do mine. All in time
It is & always has been in my opinion, that the someone worth having knows that easy things aren’t worth pursuing & good things don’t come free or easily. Also that money can’t buy love.
However, of recent i’ve been put in a position that undermines my prior judgements on the price of love in general. Harping solely on the pretext that this ‘Love’ is not unconditional & has a price on it.
All my life i’ve never put a price on love yet when i look back on it there always was one. Be it their time, affections, presence. That’s my currency. So who am i to say i’m more than someone who’s currency is one more material in form? Being in this fauxy industry, I know only of to many ‘L.V’ girls or ‘kept women’ by reputation but when i sat down to them, on a plane of non-judgement, it wasn’t extraordinary to discover that we were quite alike. Their manisfestation of affections differs from mine in form yet in essence remained the same desire to mean more, to be worth something. I always though of it as sad though. That they need something ’solid’ to hold onto. You can’t possibly believe they’re in love with shoes and bags. No ones that vain or petty.
Another line i heard in defence to dating considerably older and seemingly generous men would be, ‘If all men are jerks you might as well get a rich one.’ Maybe it’s because i’m young & still naive that i do not believe that to be true. Or is that what makes me wise for my age to know?
So i can conclude that money can’t buy happiness but it can buy pretty things which althought can’t make you happy it renders you stylishly unhappy. Money can’t buy love but warrant willingly or uncounciously ones affections.
Afterall, when you throw things in a different light that the one society makes us comfortable in you will find that everybody has a pricetag on them. The only thing that sets us apart is currency.
What happens to a Love divine of a heart so easily divided?
